4th Sunday Ordinary Time – Cycle B
Deuteronomy 18: 15-20; 1 Corinthians 7: 32-35; Mark 1: 21-28
In today's second reading, St. Paul, in his first letter to the people of Corinth, discusses the virtue of a single life in contrast to a married life. The good saint tells us that those called to live the single life can devote all of their energies to the Lord. However, those of us called the the vocation of marriage are divided between pleasing God and pleasing spouse. When I read these words, I felt anger. It's as if Paul is saying that married persons are somehow lacking in their dedication to the Lord.
“Not true, not true!” I wanted to say. I wanted to defend the honor of marriage from this man and his writings. But as I read the passage more closely, I began to see some truth in Paul's words. Yes, it is valid to say that there is work and energy necessary to make a marriage last. It is also valid to conclude that devotion to spouse and to family can take away from devotion to the Lord. But as another man named Paul would say, Paul Harvey that is, you need to hear the rest of the story.
We are all called to love each other. Marriage takes this sentiment a step further. The mutual love between married partners becomes a reflection – an outward sign – of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves each of us. It is good, very good, in the Creator's eyes. Marriage in its intended form brings the couple closer to serving the Lord through the honor and duty that they serve each other. When the marriage is good, it is a win-win-win situation for all parties involved. It is only when the marriage covenant begins to falter that Paul's words are fulfilled. I speak on this subject with some authority because I have witnessed both the good and the bad sides within my own marriage.
My wife Susan and I have been married for almost twenty-five years. I remember people telling me that marriage was hard work, but I never saw it that way. For me, marriage was a safe harbor – a shelter from the storm that was life. I would come home from my day at work, sit on my couch, turn on the television and be married. There was no work – no effort involved. It was easy – or so I thought. But that attitude was not helping my married life, it was hindering it. My wife needed more from me and, although I did not realize it at the time, I needed more from her as well. We were growing further apart and the idea of divorce began creeping into our thoughts. Perhaps some of you find yourselves in a similar situation. I'm not an expert on marriage. I'm not a licensed therapist. But I can suggest some things that might help.
Several times a year, the archdiocese sponsors marriage encounter weekends. These are designed to let you come together, pray, recharge the batteries, and invigorate your relationship with your spouse. The marriage encounter weekends are designed for couples who have solid marriages and want them to grow even stronger. For marriages that have deteriorated, as mine had, there is an organization called Retrouvaille which can help. Retrouvaille provides a safe place to reconnect on a basic level with your spouse. Together you will move forward in reconstructing your relationship. It's not easy. There is no quick fix. There will be many tears. But if you are both willing to put forth the effort, your marriage can be rebuilt and strengthened in a way that will restore honor and glory to God and to each other.
At this point I should probably point out that Retrouvaille is not the solution to every struggling couple. Some marriages do not work. If your marital experience is beyond repair, I ask you to allow Christ to heal your pain and suffering. You are an important part of this faith community and your witness to the good news is needed.
The plain simple truth is that I am a better christian with my wife than I could ever be alone. The love and devotion that we have for each other does not detract from our relationship with God – it enhances it. It continually leads back to the altar where we professed our vows to each other before God. The sacred covenant of marriage is a blessing for all who are called to that life. Let St. Paul's words serve as a warning – not a condemnation. When two become one, united and working together, the closeness to God is unequaled. And that my friends is the rest of the story.
Deacon Darryl J. Diemer
4th Sunday In Ordinary Time
January 29, 2012
